Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Appliance of Doom

"Sometimes I wax poetic.
People tell me I'm better off
waxing my legs."


Dear Mom, I’ll be home late.
Don’t wait up, I have a date
Adorns your door, in lovely prose,
Along with cards and magnets and one of those
Stick-on calendars that, (I'm agog!) 
Is a full year older than the dog.
(Who turned five last November.)

Inside your cavernous interior
Goodies wait to inflate my grand posterior.
Along with cheese and weenies, which reside
There in the dank dark, deep inside~~
Unrecognized because of mold,
And veggies, unexpectedly grown old.
(In the crisper~~a misnomer, if you ask me.)

Perhaps I should dispose of jam
That has sugared. And there is that ham~~
I stuck back on the second shelf
To keep it all just for myself.
To eat it after company left.
But it’s rotten now and I’m bereft.
(Because I forgot about it and now it’s green.)

There are German gherkins, once a delight,
Blackened and shriveled from some dark blight
That's changed them from food to something other.
(I swear I don't know why I bother.)
Green and blue coronets grow strong
On lunchmeat, on sausage, and that's just wrong.
(I bought the stuff a week ago, or was it five?)

Ah, refrigerator, you are a grand invention.
You do your job without pretension,
Though your coils are dusty down below,
Where saber-toothed dust bunnies surely grow.
There are fingerprints smeared upon your door,
And cooties in this crumb-littered drawer.
(Where I keep fast-food packets of ketchup.)

I need to clean you, a lofty goal.
And so I’ll pour milk in a bowl,
And plunk it down there on the floor~~
In front of your propped-open door.
And kill the creatures that crawl forth,
Then vow to do better, for what it’s worth.
(I’ve made this promise countless times.)

1 comment:

waiting to retire said...

This s so true of our fridge, and I am sure it is inherited. My mother would periodically pull out some green, squishy food covered in plastic wrap from the far depths of the bottom shelf and play "Identify the Food". She was the only one who seemed to enjoy the game.